When Life Feels Heavy: A Personal Reflection on Struggling with my Mental Health
Why am I not more excited and motivated for this new year with my travels and projects? Why am I having a hard time being my bubbly cheerful self? Why am I feeling very alone?
Lately, I’ve been feeling like I’m stuck in a rut, a type of fog…one of those clouds you can’t quite see your way out of, where every step feels heavier than the last. It’s hard to admit, but I’m struggling with my mental health right now. It’s the beginning of the year, shouldn’t I be focused on gratitude and positivity while planning my year?! Shouldn’t I be excited and happy with the upcoming plans?
I’ve been carrying around this dark feeling of loneliness for days. It was so hard to be excited for my mom’s wedding. There are days when I wake up exhausted, even after a full night’s sleep. My body feels weighted, and my mind feels cluttered with worries I can’t seem to sort through. I try to push through because that’s what we’re supposed to do, right? Keep going, stay strong.
What makes it harder is the voice in my head that whispers, “You shouldn’t feel this way. Other people have it worse.” That voice tries to invalidate my feelings, making me question whether I even have the right to feel overwhelmed. But the truth is, I’m reflecting that pain isn’t a competition. It’s okay to acknowledge when things feel hard for me, even if someone else might be facing their own challenges.
Usually, I would spent these dark times alone, not verbalizing these thoughts, feelings and challenges. I would keep them hidden in a locked box that no one had access to. I would be ashamed to have such feelings because technically, shouldn’t I be happy and content with my lifestyle and job?! I have nothing really substantive to be saddened or upset about. I am healthy, I have a beautiful home and a good job. I have a lovely family and great friends. Then why the emptiness and the overwhelming feelings of sadness?!
I want to remind myself—and anyone reading this—that it’s okay to not be okay. It’s okay to admit that life feels overwhelming sometimes. It doesn’t mean we’re weak or broken; it means we’re human.
I know I’m not alone in these struggles, even though it often feels that way. My bestie’s courageous post a few weeks ago gave me the encouragement to be vulnerable and share my true challenges as I’m living them myself.
Talking about mental health can be difficult, but it’s an important step toward healing. So here I am, sharing this in hopes that if you’re feeling the same way, you’ll know you’re not alone.
What I’m doing?!
I don’t have all the answers, and I’m still trying to figure out what self-care looks like for me right now in these dark times.
I’ve scheduled a appointment with my psychologist and I am also giving myself permission to rest and not focus on too much extra.
I’m having a hard time doing my mundane domestic chores home. It’s the first time I actually raise my hand to seek help. I also have been putting words on the feelings and sensations I’ve been living through the past few weeks. Acknowledging my emotions is helping for my healing journey.
If you’re reading this and struggling too, please remember: You are enough. You are not defined by your worst days. And even when it feels like the weight of the world is too much to bear, there is hope. There is always hope!
I also like reminding myself that everything in life ebb and flows. What goes up must eventually come down.
If you feel isolated, reach out. There is always someone there for you.
We’ll get through this—one step, one breath, one moment at a time.
In love and light, ✨💕🦋
Nat