Happy birthday! Bonne fête mes amours! Feliz cumpleaños cariños!
“No matter how much time passes, there will forever be a constant unfillable void. There will always be this hallow place deep inside that throbs for the ones that are gone.”
The end of October is always a very emotional time for me. It represents a huge loss in my life. October 27 is the day I gave birth to my triplets. I had found out only the day before that I had triple occupancy but there was no heartbeat so I had to deliver my three stillborn babies. It’s the day that completely changed my life.
Do you sometime pause and consider what if scenarios? What if I had not gotten pregnant? What if I had given birth to healthy babies? What if my triplets were alive today? How different would my life be?
During this period every year, I allow myself to dream of how much different my life would be. On this day, my triplets would be turning 19 years old. WOW, already 19, young adults. They would be of legal drinking age.
I’m permitting myself to go in the what if…
We would definitely be celebrating this milestone birthday. We would be together as a family. Sharing a cake and gifts, sharing stories, laughters and hugs. There would be singing and party hats maybe. The house would be filled with love, teasing, noise and celebration. A mixture of French, Spanish and English would be spoken. I can just imagine my three beautiful children together laughing and loving each other.
What would they have decided to do after high school. Would they be going to college? University? Working? Traveling around the globe?
I think of the relationship I would have with them. How we interact with each other. I can almost feel their arms around me as they hug me and they whisper how much they love me. I can picture how the three are very unique and special in their own ways. I can feel the love they have for each other and for me.
There would’ve been sacrificed involved in raising three children. I would’ve risen to the challenges. I recognize that I may not be living where I am, working where I am or having the life I have. We would’ve made it work. Love would have been our priority. Family comes first.
Today, I wish you were here with me.
Today, I wish I was celebrating your existence on this planet.
Today, I wish I could hug you and tell you how much I love you.
Today, I celebrate you!
Bonne fête Énock, Sofia et Jonathan!
