Love and Laughter are my preferred medication
What does it mean living with bipolar?
I consider myself extremely lucky and fortunate that I am where I am: physically, mentally and financially. Let me explain.
In 2002 - 8 months after giving birth to stillborn triplets and living in a domestic abusive environment, I totally lost it. I had a total mental breakdown. I lost sense of reality, I had my first psychosis where I was hospitalized in the psych ward and diagnosed with bipolar disorder. That first time that ”I went crazy”, I was hospitalized 4 weeks.
In 2008 - The second psychosis happened 6 months after I found out that the man I had married was already married and I was pregnant with his child. Since I needed to put my mental health as priority, I had to have an abortion. That time I was hospitalized 3 weeks.
The third and last psychosis happened in Cuba in 2015. I went on holidays with three girlfriends. It was supposed to be a time of rest, pause and recharge after being ill with pneumonia and bronchitis. I didn’t sleep well, paranoia settled in and I thought my friends turned against me. That was the worst psychosis. I really lost my mind and went all crazy and s&%#. That time, I spent 3 weeks in a Cuban hospital.
As a result of any one of these lived experiences, I could easily be living on the street today. I could be struggling to hold a job, or pay bills or even get a job. Many people living on the streets, suffer with either substance use disorder or a mental disorder or both. It could be me. I could be the one living on the streets, begging for money or selling my body for a little money for my next meal.
Instead…
When I had my first mental breakdown in 2002, my life could have been so much different if I didn’t have caring parents, loving friends and siblings that continued to love me, accept me and allow me to be me. They pulled together as a gang to learn about my diagnosis, to educate themselves. Some even went to support group meetings to understand what it means bipolar disorder and how it affects one’s lifestyle. Some got pamphlets from the hospital and books from the library. My brother even selected to write a university paper on the topic. They showed their love and support in concrete ways. I never felt alone. I never felt unloved or unseen. My family and friends pulled together, it unified us. I believe it made us even stronger. And my soul sisters that have been there for me, I also consider part of my family.
Inside jokes were soon part of our normal family dialogues and banter between siblings when we talked about my manic states, my grandiose and crazy thoughts when I’m in a psychosis.
We normalized and talked about differences between the “Nat” that is unbalanced and in a psychotic state or the “everyday Nat”. As a family, we have bonded over the silly things I say and do when I’m not myself and I’m in a psychosis.
Unconditional love and support are priceless
It was never a taboo in my family or with my friends to discuss my mental fragilities, my signs and symptoms of the disorder. I’ve always tried to share what I’m going through so my family and friends can be there for me the best way they can when I need them the most.
As I mentioned in other blogs, I have a plan of action with my best friend, Char and my family. Basically, the last thing I want is to experience another psychosis and be hospitalized.
I am so grateful I have love and laughter in my life! I also am so fortunate to be surrounded by family and soul sisters that are so supportive and loving!
Be a support to a child or a friend or a spouse or a sibling! We all need love!
In Love and Light 💕🦋
Nat
