“Life CANNOT always be rainbows and butterflies”
In a previous blog, I wrote about my summer months and the array of emotions I’ve been feeling.
Feeling was not always my default, I definitely preferred playing the ostrich with my head in the sand and pretend that life is good and everything is ok or going to be ok.
It was so much easier to just pretend than to feel.
Feeling anger and sadness is hard. For me, it’s so difficult to let myself feel those emotions. I don’t want to upset anyone. I feel guilty for feeling sad, upset or angry. I don’t want to be a burden for anyone. I don’t want pity from others. I don’t want people to see me as a victim. Hence, it’s always been so much easier to say I’m fine, I’m good…
Does that resonate with you?
After huge losses and trauma, I’m now choosing to be authentic and to show up vulnerable and true to myself. In that journey of healing and finding my true identity, I’m coming to terms with the fact that….
Traumatic events, or hard times will happen to us and we don’t always know how to cope. For example, when I gave birth to my stillborn babies, when I realized I was in an abusive relationship, or more recently, when dad passed away or as I got my heart broken again. For others, it could be a divorce or losing a job or maybe when your child moves away to college.
Some versions of these life events will happen to all of us. Do we have the tools to navigate how to deal with the emotions that results from these losses or life experiences?
Here’s how I’ve decided to deal with it
1) Pause and reflect
I’m creating moments of pause in my life to allow the emotions to show up. For me, a pause allows for reflection. It allows for my brain to stop. Instead of being on that hamster wheel all the time. When our body and mind pause, we have time to digest what’s going on.
How does that pause look like? I integrate longer meditation period in my days, I take walks in nature, I spent time in the kitchen cooking and baking. For me, that’s when my feelings pop up. I don’t think we can feel if we do not allow our bodies and minds the pause and the time.
2) Witness the emotion
I’m no longer judging the emotions that are coming up. Sadness, anger, hostility, rage or loneliness - they are all valid. They may come up as tears but also it could be a feeling of emptiness or void. It could be a feeling of grey cloud looming over me. As I’m allowing the pause, the feelings have a chance to show up.
I’m learning to observe the emotion, witness it, embody it then release it so it doesn’t live within me. An emotion is temporary state. It’s so powerful knowing that I can witness the emotion yet not be the emotion. I can be angry at a certain situation but I do not need to live in that state of anger.
3) Not all days will be a good day
I am embracing the fact that I’m a human, in a human body. Living a human life. It is just not realistic to be happy go lucky (optimistic and positive) all the time. Some days are good, some days are ok and some days are bad. I am accepting that that is ok! I’m accepting that joy and anger can coexist in the same moment. At a given moment, I can feel sad and lonely while also being very grateful and happy for the life I have.
4) Be brave and vulnerable
I’m allowing myself to continue to be vulnerable and authentic everyday and every chance I have. I’m no longer hiding my emotions because I’m afraid I might hurt someone. My emotions matter! I matter!
Feeling the feelings is not always cool or it may seem overwhelming. I have a talk with myself and I applaud the courage to have vulnerability.
A therapist is a great start to help you dig to find those emotions that are waiting to be felt!
In Love and Light 💕💫
Nat