I like to see my bipolar disorder as the Chinese symbol of yin and yang. Black and white. Positive and negative. Manic and depression.
I know I’m probably not alone in this phase. Many of us even if we do not have mental disorders, we are probably feeling the yin sensation, the down moments. As it is the end of the holidays, a new year, stricter restrictions and guidelines related to the covid pandemic.
I know I’m finding myself where I try very hard to never go, where I work hard to avoid. You know, that depression phase. The place where you have no energy, no motivation, no desire. That place you may call feeling down, or depressed, or melancholic or hollow or maybe you say that gloomy place.
The curves above are simple explanations how people with bipolar live their moods. It is not a one shoe fits all approach as you can see.
As I am Bipolar type I, the first curve describes my bipolar cycle accurately. While I have both the manic and depressive phases, the manic or hyper mania phases are usually more predominant in my life. These are my high moments. When I experience a very steep curve up (a manic or psychosis episode), a steep curve downhill will follow. This depression phase I am in right now is what I like to call my recuperative phase, my down time of my bipolar cycle.
My last blogs in December where of me in a hyper mania episode (the yang of the mental disorder). I am now writing in the low of the illness.
To a stranger, an acquaintance or a colleague, you may not see the difference. You could very well just say, you are rather reserve, quiet or pensive Nat.
If I didn’t talk about my illnesses and my yin and yang feelings, I don’t think many people around me would be aware that I am diagnosed with bipolar or that I live with this illness.
I could hide the illness but it defeats the purpose of my blogs. I want to talk about my story, share how I live with my mental fragility so that others can understand and may be more empathetic towards their loved ones whom are going through rough patches.
Mental illnesses and diseases should not be taboo. Please help me in talking about our vulnerabilities, our limits, our difficulties. It’s only by being human with one and another that we can show people we care and we understand.
My invitation to you:
Be vulnerable with someone in your community, in your workplace, in your family or your circle of friends. Share one difficulty you are facing right now with them. Listen to what they have to say.